DEATH BY SCRABBLE

It's a hot day and I hate my wife.We're playing Scrabble. That's how bad it is. I'm 42 years old, it's a blistering hot Sunday afternoon and all I can think of to do with my life is to play Scrabble. I should be out, doing exercise, spending money, meeting people. I don't think I've spoken to anyone except my wife since Thursday morning. On Thursday morning I spoke to the milkman. My letters are crap. I play, appropriately, BEGIN. With the N on the little pink star. Twenty-two points. I watch my wife's smug expression as she rearranges her letters. Clack, clack, clack. I hate her. If she wasn't around, I'd be doing something interesting right now. I'd be climbing Mount Kilimanjaro. I'd be starring in the latest Hollywood blockbuster. I'd be sailing the Vendee Globe on a 60-foot clipper called the New Horizons - I don't know, but I'd be doing something. She plays JINXED, with the J on a double-letter score. 30 points. She's beating me already. Maybe I should kill her. If only I had a D, then I could play MURDER. That would be a sign. That would be permission. I start chewing on my U. It's a bad habit, I know. All the letters are frayed. I play WARMER for 22 points, mainly so I can keep chewing on my U. As I'm picking new letters from the bag, I find myself thinking - the letters will tell me what to do. If they spell out KILL, or STAB, or her name, or anything, I'll do it right now. I'll finish her off. My rack spells MIHZPA. Plus the U in my mouth. Damn. The heat of the sun is pushing at me through the window. I can hear buzzing insects outside. I hope they're not bees. My cousin Harold swallowed a bee when he was nine, his throat swelled up and he died. I hope that if they are bees, they fly into my wife's throat. She plays SWEATIER, using all her letters. 24 points plus a 50 point bonus. If it wasn't too hot to move I would strangle her right now. I am getting sweatier. It needs to rain, to clear the air. As soon as that thought crosses my mind, I find a good word. HUMID on a double-word score, using the D of JINXED. The U makes a little splash of saliva when I put it down. Another 22 points. I hope she has lousy letters.

She tells me she has lousy letters. For some reason, I hate her more. She plays FAN, with the F on a double-letter, and gets up to fill the kettle and turn on the air conditioning. It's the hottest day for ten years and my wife is turning on the kettle. This is why I hate my wife. I play ZAPS, with the Z doubled, and she gets a static shock off the air conditioning unit. I find this remarkably satisfying. She sits back down with a heavy sigh and starts fiddling with her letters again. Clack clack. Clack clack. I feel a terrible rage build up inside me. Some inner poison slowly spreading through my limbs, and when it gets to my fingertips I am going to jump out of my chair, spilling the Scrabble tiles over the floor, and I am going to start hitting her again and again and again. The rage gets to my fingertips and passes. My heart is beating. I'm sweating. I think my face actually twitches. Then I sigh, deeply, and sit back into my chair. The kettle starts whistling. As the whistle builds it makes me feel hotter. She plays READY on a double-word for 18 points, then goes to pour herself a cup of tea. No I do not want one. I steal a blank tile from the letter bag when she's not looking, and throw back a V from my rack. She gives me a suspicious look. She sits back down with her cup of tea, making a cup-ring on the table, as I play an 8-letter word: CHEATING, using the A of READY. 64 points, including the 50-point bonus, which means I'm beating her now. She asks me if I cheated. I really, really hate her. She plays IGNORE on the triple-word for 21 points. The score is 153 to her, 155 to me. The steam rising from her cup of tea makes me feel hotter. I try to make murderous words with the letters on my rack, but the best I can do is SLEEP. My wife sleeps all the time. She slept through an argument our next-door neighbours had that resulted in a broken door, a smashed TV and a Teletubby Lala doll with all the stuffing coming out. And then she bitched at me for being moody the next day from lack of sleep.

If only there was some way for me to get rid of her. I spot a chance to use all my letters. EXPLODES, using the X of JINXED. 72 points. That'll show her. As I put the last letter down, there is a deafening bang and the air conditioning unit fails. My heart is racing, but not from the shock of the bang. I don't believe it - but it can't be a coincidence. The letters made it happen. I played the word EXPLODES, and it happened - the air conditioning unit exploded. And before, I played the word CHEATING when I cheated. And ZAP when my wife got the electric shock. The words are coming true. The letters are choosing their future. The whole game is - JINXED. My wife plays SIGN, with the N on a triple-letter, for 10 points. I have to test this. I have to play something and see if it happens. Something unlikely, to prove that the letters are making it happen. My rack is ABQYFWE. That doesn't leave me with a lot of options. I start frantically chewing on the B. I play FLY, using the L of EXPLODES. I sit back in my chair and close my eyes, waiting for the sensation of rising up from my chair. Waiting to fly. Stupid. I open my eyes, and there's a fly. An insect, buzzing around above the Scrabble board, surfing the thermals from the tepid cup of tea. That proves nothing. The fly could have been there anyway. I need to play something unambiguous. Something that cannot be misinterpreted. Something absolute and final. Something terminal. Something murderous. My wife plays CAUTION, using a blank tile for the N. 18 points. My rack is AQWEUK, plus the B in my mouth. I am awed by the power of the letters, and frustrated that I cannot wield it. Maybe I should cheat again, and pick out the letters I need to spell SLASH or SLAY. Then it hits me. The perfect word. A powerful, dangerous, terrible word. I play QUAKE for 19 points. I wonder if the strength of the quake will be proportionate to how many points it scored. I can feel the trembling energy of potential in my veins. I am commanding fate. I am manipulating destiny. My wife plays DEATH for 34 points, just as the room starts to shake. I gasp with surprise and vindication - and the B that I was chewing on gets lodged in my throat. I try to cough. My face goes red, then blue. My throat swells. I draw blood clawing at my neck. The earthquake builds to a climax. I fall to the floor. My wife just sits there, watching.

MY MIND SPEAKS..........

this is the first time i am using this blog as a let out off all my feelings, writing wat i fell i need to say. this is to u sue, its been so long sice we had a normal conversation. so long since we met person to person like we always usd to in school. everyday, at first i tried to tell myself that its ok she's not gone far i can always call her whenver i want to, shes on speed dial at all times. but today i realised how wrong i have been....she's drifted farther than i could have ever imagined. or perhaps i have drifted farther away from myself. gone into hibernation and then when i woke up after the metamorphosis i had changed so much i hardly recognised myself...its weird..like everything is right now....how fact and fiction fuse into one entity....how like love and hate are pretty much the same....i have changed too much to look at the world in the same perspective as i did earlier....its fine for ideologies and beliefs but what about relationships, what about long time freindships..i cant read ur mind like i once could....or perhaps u let me and now we are just too far apart to connect...watever the reason the effect is deppresingly fatal....we have drifted apart....had u been my girlfreind i could have so convieniently said "look i dont think things are working out lets break off amicably. hey we can still be freinds and all but i dont think this thing is going anywhere" but hell u r my confidante my counsello my elder sis and i cant do this, so lets do it the other way around. lets assume or rather pretend we are strangers on a journey and we happen to meet each other in a coffee shop (or wherever u want us to meet). let us unlearn everything we know about each other. coz i from my side have changed so much that u really really need to know me again from scratch. and i need to know u too. if we find each other likable once again its great else....i'll cherish the moments we had together in school right from day one in eight to somewhere in college where this infinite distance started creeping in. i should have posted this way earlier sue. i am really sorry, life's pretty screwed up down here. i wanted you to know how i feel and this is it. lets be strangers once again, i am hoping we like what we learn, coz what i was is not wat i am and wat i am is very much different from wat u assume me to be. so long stranger i wish u have a beautiful day.

TIME FOR DESSERTS

Is anybody there,
Thirty thousand years down,
back in future,
propelled in past,
doing some soul knocking,
Where are the others,
where am i,
Is this what the future was like,
I cant see blood,
I cant smell death,
Feed me,
Where are Humans,Humans?
Whats that,
My food,
Science Books Gone Wrong,
Science Books Lied,
I Smell Blood,
I Can see Death,
Red eyes,
Ummmmm,
Delicious,
Tear his Heart Out,
Tear Up The brains,
Leave the lungs for dinner,
Give The Liver,
To the sucker,
Its all dark,
Meet The Cannibal,
Meet me,
Meet Humans,Human?
What Human,
In time,
I Can smell love,
I smell flowers,
I smell goodness,
Am i Human?
Wait A Minute,
That Smile,
Can smell blood,
I Can smell death,
Is the cannibal here,
Is it the past,
or the future or the present,
Or is Time dead!
Has the Cannibal overcome time!
Time for desserts....
If you understand this tell me because i do not, i mean just images flashed and i wrote this, still do not comprehend the thought in this, but i know there is one......Short Story coming soon the name of the story is "Time Destroys Everything"......right now i have just thought of the name give me two three days...

Invictus

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the horror of the shade,And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find me, unafraid.It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,I am the master of my fate;
I am the captain of my soul.

RESTRAINT

The word "Restraint" needs to be understood in a much larger sense than the word is defined in dictionaries, strangely you will not find a fitting explanation of this word in any dictionary.I feel the beauty of word lies when it ventures much beyond the boundaries of a formal meaning. Restraint is one such beautiful word, this word has another very queer thing about it, to understand this word in true sense, a person needs to experience the extremes.Restraint is a word that enables and breathes life into words like moderation, compromise, tolerance, and many more i cannot think of right now. Restraint is a word that will find its place in every reasonable thought and so it exists in every reasonable person. Imagine if we could not restrain our wishes, what would the world be like, Children would never understand that some wishes do not come true, People would not give up on love till the other person reciprocated, Most desirable human being would get raped, In fact restraint strangely is the foundation of ethics. Its simple analyse all your ethics and you will understand what i mean.I can go on and on talking about the word restraint but for now this being my first time when i have actually attempted this let me stop here as i still haven't arrived at the necessary amount of restraint i need in my writing. Before I sign off Let me tell you "The Middle Path" is rendered null and void if the word restraint didn't exist so imagine that the word is also a religion.

to think or not to think........

there r several ppl in our life,whom we dont live for,whom we dont meet everyday,whom we r hardly in touch with.but an occassional brush with their existence makes us forget all the above.they becum the be all nd end all of our life nd we encounter everything,from goosebumps to sleeplessness in that chance encounter.its not that we expect them to glorify our life,nor do we desire them to make us an integral part of theirs...its just "something" that is buried deep within our selves,a person for whom we lose all justification nd logic comes to an all time low nd our head nd heart r for once,in unision...!!! one phone call,one message,one conversation,whoa..look how life changes! life suddenly is centered around them,the concentrated gravity of their character makin it impossible for us to fake ignorance.they do lots of stuff that in others wud be shortcomings,bt in "dem" its a treat for our souls.all self respect,ego,esteem,anger vanish bfore our own sensitivity nd so dazed r we in their presence,we hardly try to restrain ourselves...now,the moment of sweating has passed.the reciever is bak in d cradle.bt we seem to go far beyond than wer we wud like ourselves to wander...Recalling every small bit of d tete-a-tete,we r immersed in a sea of emotions we never knew before.i mean,wot do u call a feelin which has joy,amaxement,fear of overdoin it,elation,magic,surprise,"did i say d right things",to "i cant sleep tonit..." nd oh....along with all this a frustration as to y m i feelin so wiered....its quite a handfull for us who have an emotional range of a teaspoon...the next morning,ya,d memory definitely brings dat smile,smile promonent enuf to b noticed,bt subtle enuf for ppl nt to get d reason right...nd ders a song on our lips nd a spring in our steps,bt wot d hell...we r aware of d way awaitin us nd numerous other ppl who r equally or maybe more important to b concerned abt. unwantingly d feeling passes away after some days nd amidst the wave of regularity,we let d prsesnt sweep away d past...what an investment of time,energy,feelins at d cost of stuff dat r genuinely important...bt maybe we need d magic to remind ourselves of miracles!! the cycle will continue,unless they hav become a part of the commons or hav been shut out. then again...another story,another face,another name,another message,another longing....till then...to think or not to think...dat is the quetion...ps:"emotional range of a teaspoon" - harry potter and "song on ur lips nd spring in ur steps" - tom sawyer.

HOW GOOD OF GOOD TO LET SCIENCE HAVE A TASTE

I wrapped my electromagnetic theory around your gravity,
and we made strings....
oh Einstein where are you
can you hear my relativity sing
when the man who uses quantam
rubs against your relativity,
don't be uspset if my neutrons want activity
looking for a single theory to govern everything,
Here come the strings
no wonder my heart takes wing
when I hear of parallel universe
with eleven dimensions, oh Newton
go wake Einstein, but don't give him
a fig quantam mechanics of space small and jittery
will shake your quiet orderly laws of relativity
dear L. Susskind take your strings away
before they turn to angels wings coz
here come the messenger particles
threatening to create the "standard model"
Strings are back to unify really
,do or die so here we have
Einsteins relativity at odds with
Quantam Mechanics, and Strings come along to
unify the two,
but it can't be proved
after all is said and done,
God can't be moved t
his scientific turkey is best
when you baste,
how good of God
to let science have a taste